Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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