I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
