Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
