I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
