yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
