bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dignity is for republicans.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
