it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
