Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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