i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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