Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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