what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
