I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
