I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
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tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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