Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
