You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
