Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
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to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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