Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
