Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
