The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it hurts more in the daytime
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
