If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
