i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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