Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
