i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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