Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
