My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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