I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My vagina is officially offended.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
