Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
