Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
