If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
