I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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