my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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