Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
