You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
