We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
