the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
