I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
