I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
