Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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