i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
