They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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