you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
