I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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