I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
