I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
