can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
