You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
