You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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