Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
