Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize