Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
