is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
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my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
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the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.