Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore

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  (631): I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore http://tfl.nu/upfn
  Replies (9) Good night (1081) Bad night (2084)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?

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  (519): why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong? http://tfl.nu/074u
  Replies (58) Good night (1363) Bad night (3612)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone

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  (954): everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone http://tfl.nu/mp6q
  Replies (9) Good night (738) Bad night (3524)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?

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  (702): we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast. (1-702): do you want me to pick up budweiser instead? http://tfl.nu/46t6
  Replies (24) Good night (5412) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.

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  (940): I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner. http://tfl.nu/au8r
  Replies (41) Good night (4308) Bad night (1713)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."

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  (301): let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child." http://tfl.nu/sqg2
  Replies (18) Good night (5651) Bad night (2778)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...

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  (908): At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ... http://tfl.nu/ikiv
  Replies (10) Good night (1249) Bad night (1481)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.

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  (307): Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka. http://tfl.nu/40xv
  Replies (4) Good night (2554) Bad night (751)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you

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  (217): Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you http://tfl.nu/bix8
  Replies (9) Good night (1288) Bad night (911)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??

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  (404): Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!?? http://tfl.nu/bcjv
  Replies (0) Good night (529) Bad night (1553)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.

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  (701): She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down. http://tfl.nu/f22r
  Replies (18) Good night (751) Bad night (1381)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  When did we convert life to cartoon?

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  (435): When did we convert life to cartoon? http://tfl.nu/wmk0
  Replies (3) Good night (808) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew

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  (434): I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew http://tfl.nu/2v1b
  Replies (5) Good night (589) Bad night (277)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.

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  (206): Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough. http://tfl.nu/xqyf
  Replies (1) Good night (275) Bad night (421)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  No this is saxophone Chris

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  (804): Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris? (215): No this is saxophone Chris http://tfl.nu/wuq2
  Replies (10) Good night (1352) Bad night (364)

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