I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.