Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
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Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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