your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night