We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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