If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
