Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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