my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
