She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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