just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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