blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
