someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
