Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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