so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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