I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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