My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
