I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
