She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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