Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
