The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
