i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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