I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She needs sedatives and a leash
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
sex in a hospital.. check
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
