I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
