You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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