Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
