Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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