note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
